Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
