I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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