I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
