Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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