May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
