So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
