My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
