i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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