i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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