So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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