Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
