im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
