Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
