Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
