His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
