There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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