sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
