Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
