she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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