note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
