So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
