I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
