I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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