Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
