as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
