She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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