nut hugger
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
