Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Holy shit dude........stairs
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
