I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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