i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
