we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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