Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
