no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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