I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
