ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
