I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
