i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Still dying that you shit outside
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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