i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
