Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
