I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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