According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
