You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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