Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
