dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
