so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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