As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
