Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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