This show inspires me to have sex in space
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
