So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
