It's Friday. Sex?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
